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Want

I don’t want to be treated like a queen,
Nor a whore, nor a wife,
But like a Goddess, in the full-moon
Aspect of her life

I want to be teased and tantalised
Seduced and sedated
Needed and needful
Quenched and abated

I want lingering kisses
And whispers til dawn
To be heard, to be worshipped
To be fawned upon

I want to be servant and master
And equal, one and the same
I want to be screamed
Out loud, in body and name

I want to be held through the messiness
And have my tears wiped away
To be told ‘it’s only human’
And ‘I love you anyway’

I want to be admired and respected
And held in high esteem
To be surrendered to longing
And awakened from the dream

I want to be held in the gaze
Of trusting eyes
Eyes that know no betrayal
And eyes that tell no lies

I want to lean into love
And feel it lean back
To feel no resistance
Nor failure, nor lack

I want no broken promises
Or long-winded vows
I want the answers in the being
Without the whys and hows

I want to sigh into togetherness
And hold my own space
I want to see my love reflected
In another’s face

I want to be touched all over
By a hot feather-mouth
And I want to be loved
From the inside out

I want to fall into an embrace
And to be held like a bird
Quivering into tenderness
Without even a word

I want trembling hands to adorn me
Cover me from head to toe
To be overwhelmed with the beauty
That only lovers know

Stepping into Love

And she turned around
in the midst of her pain
when all had fallen away
and she sat amongst the ruins

she breathed deep
and filled her lungs,
then her heart,
with sweet breath,
breath of a new day
and she opened her eyes
and saw love

and she gathered her hope
her strength
and her grace
and walked tall
towards love
into love

she walked with a smile in her step
and a thank you in her eyes
and love embraced her,
held its arms open wide
and she stepped
into love

Here For

I am not here to make you believe my truth,
I am here to teach you how to discover your own

I am not here to outshine you,
I am here to shine my own light in the hope that it will lead others out of their darkness

I am not here to judge you, nor to judge myself,
I am here to embrace all that you are, all that I am and all that is

I am not here to be anything at all,
I already am all I need to be.

I am not here to make plans, to pretend to know what I will be doing tomorrow or next week, or in five years,
I am here to live a lifetime of moments, all piled on top of each other

I am not here to ‘get it right’,
I am here to get it wrong with style, grace and humour.

I am not here to discover the meaning of life, or to know all the mysteries there are to know,
I am here to allow the world to discover the mystery of me

All Crooked

I wish to paint my house burnt orange and purple
And paste sparkles and rainbows on the walls
I wish to wear flowers in my hair
And pink pyjama pants everywhere
I wish to laugh obnoxiously loud
And play with lego all day
I wish to eat off paper plates
And scatter glitter all over my floor
I wish to paint my face like a lion
And read comics under the covers with a torch
I wish to raise loud, precocious children
And feed them chocolate icecream for breakfast
I wish to travel to places where no one wants to go
And take boring photos that only I understand
I wish to do all this
And do it badly, all crooked and non-aesthetic
I wish to have people say
'oooo, what did ya do that for?'
And reply 'Dunno, but I sure didn't do it for you'
I wish to wallow in displeasing others
And just please myself.

When Love Took Your Hand

Remember the time you reached out….
And Love took your hand

Remember the time you cried…
And your tears were wiped away

Remember the time you fell…
And a hand pulled you up

Remember the time you hurt…
And the pain was eased

Remember the time it all fell apart…
Yet somehow it all came together in the end

Remember the time you were scared…
And yet you got through

Remember the time you thought no one cared…
And someone actually did

Remember the time you doubted yourself…
Yet your self shined through

Remember the time you wondered, ‘what is it all for?”….
And the reason appeared out of nowhere

Every time you are down,
Every time you doubt
Every time you are afraid…
Remember the time Love took your hand

She Is

Her reflection calls me
To wish and to heal
Her light guides me
To make crazy dreams real
She holds me in her gaze
Like a much adored child
And soothes me with kisses
When the world seems wild

She is the Mother
Who blesses each step that I take S
he is the Maiden
Who urges, see yourself in the lake
She is the crone
Who comforts me in my mistake

She bathes me in moonlight
Washes away pain
And inspires me to dance
Barefoot in the rain
She is my biggest fan
Adoring and true
With enough love
To be all this for you, too

Inside

I have seen, I have heard, I have felt
I have touched, and I have tasted
A thousand times, wine so fine
On lips on which its wasted

I have held in my hands stars like eyes
Of Gods in distant tales
I have captained a ship with a hundred men
That needed not wind nor sails

I have rode on the back of a dragon
And breathed fire on men at war
I have held in my arms a dying love
To be lost forever more

I have searched the faces of knowledge
For answers too hard to find
And I have woken in a world, a stranger
Here inside my mind

What If?

What if there is no destination?
What if our only journey in life is the one back to ourselves?
What if we arrived at our soul?
What would we find there?
What if our soul was filled with the souls of others who had journeyed back to themselves, journeyed home?
What would that be like?

What if this human journey involved being fully human?
Not above, or underneath, or kinda sideways of....
But fully in our human-ness?
What if the way to our soul was through being human?
What would that mean?

What if we were fully in our bodies,
Fully in our minds,
Fully in our hearts,
All at the same time?
Is that where the soul hides?

What if there is nothing to rise above
But the belief that we must rise above?
What if there is nothing to understand
But the belief we must understand?
What if there is nothing to do,
No test, no task, no right, no wrong
What if we just sat and just were?
Is that where the soul hides?

Lost Myself

I have lost myself
In a sudden wave
Like a crystal waterfall
I felt numb
Bored
and Boring
And I saw how I had lost me

My inner eye opened up
To the way I have been
To the fraud I have become
To this life I am half-living
To the lies I have been telling
To the mask I have been hiding behind
To the loss of myself

I am tired of asking 'Who am I?'
I already know
And I know what I'm not
And I know what I have become

I have been trying too hard
I have been in denial
And I have been untrue

My heart aches
From the wasted time
Away from my truth
My eyes prickle with tears
As I vow to forgive myself
For being untrue
My body is asleep
From misuse, and underuse
My mind hurts
From thinking thoughts
That are not mine

I am awakening
In a familar land
Where I recognise my reflection
Where I know who I am
and I live it
Where I stop trying so hard
and just be

The Light

I was lost and felt I was alone
Like my mind, my self was not my home
I stood outside in my place in this world
Looked inside, saw a frightened little girl
Saw the moon that shines in the night
Asked her how will I ever find the light

And so I looked, I looked up to the sky
She did not tell, tho’ I kept on asking why
Held onto my heart in the deep of the night
I looked around but could not see the light

Then she said, ‘will you walk a while with me?
Open your eyes; I’ll shine the light to see
Stand beside me in my place in the sky
I will not tell, so do not ask me why’
Hold out your hand, I will take it willingly
Hold out your heart and I will set you free’

And so I walked, I walked up to the sky
She did not tell, so I did not ask why
Opened my heart in the deep of the night
Looked inside, saw a glimmer of a light

She said ’don’t fear, for fear will blind your sight
And do no harm and receive only what’s right
I’ll stand beside you in your place in this land
I will not tell but you will understand
I am the moon that shines in the night
And I am the sun, the bringer of the light’

And so I walked, I walked through this land
She did not tell, but now I understand
Held out my heart in the deep of the night
Looked inside and there I found the light.

Judgment Day

Well, it took me a while, took me a while to get here
But I’m not sorry the journey led me astray
And I have crossed many a raging river
And I have stumbled, faltered along the way
I did not always follow the easy path
And at times I walked in circles for days

So here I am, come look upon me
Yes I am your child, one of your very own
I may look different than you remember
But it is me and I have found my way home

No I did not always do exactly the right thing
I made mistakes time and time again
And I have caused many a hurt to others
But I always stayed to try to ease the pain
Once or twice I tried to push the river
And have cursed the sun, the dark and the rain

But here I am, come look upon me
Yes I am your child, one of your very own
I may look different than you remember
But I am yours and I have found my way home

Once

I once was this little...
I once sat on this blackened log,
The sun behind me thru the gate
A puppy at my feet
I once explored this world naked
Free of clothes and of so much more

Someone once looked at me
Through a now obsolete lens
And in that moment caught the innocence,
The surprise and wonder of me
Without the usual smile for the camera look
And without so much more

I was once loved for the joy I brought
Not for what I did, or how I performed
Someone once laughed at my antics
And was in awe of me
Someone once was so very thankful
For my being here
Oh and for so very much more

I am lucky
I am blessed
I am grateful
And I now sit in awe of my little girl
The one I carry inside
And of the woman she has become

Art

I have a purple blanket on my bed
I lie on it, sharpened pencil in hand
Paper sprawled
Blank, white pieces of paper
Aching to be adorned

So I adorn
I scribble, I play
I pick up a compass and make circles,
Perfect circles I entertwine them, overlap them
Geometric magic

I sketch my room, my shelf
Still life portraits
Of my sacred space
A moment in time, in history
Capturing now

I let my mind wander
To faraway magickal places
Where faeries sit
Beneath curvaceous trees
And dip toes in crystal water

So, I adorn white paper
I scribble, I scrunch
I play with lines and circles
I capture the now
And every so often I make art...

Who I Am

Do not ask me who I am
There are not enough words in any language
To describe all this
Or all that you are also

I could fill volumes upon volumes
Trying to phrase all that I contain
Yet it is better to let it gently unfold
Before the eyes of the world
To sit in wonderment as with each moment
Yet another facet shines
Another depth rises to the surface

Do not ask me who I am
I am above labels, above being named
There is never enough of me in mere words
Nor you, my friend

A Visit to the Dark

I do not ask of you to fix this
I wish you not to take it away
Just sit with me in my pain
So I know that it's okay

Just hold my hand, for it is trembling
And chant 'I love you' in my ear
Wipe my tears, for they are plenty
And gently stroke my hair

I need to be in this place now
For I have been away too long
And I need to know that you can join me
For me, can you be strong?

This will not last forever
But I cannot do this on my own
So, I do not ask for you to fix this I
just don't want to be here alone

Just Write

Write like your heart was dowsed
Like the words would set it on fire

Write like your soul was aching
Like the words would fill the void

Write like your mind was still
Like the words would echo and sing

Write like your body was asleep
Like the words would make it dance

Write like the world would end
If the paper remained bare

Write like your life depended on it
For it just might

Just write

Seasons in the Sun

She died in the spring
She said ‘Boy, it really is hard to die
when the birds are singing’
And we played Seasons in the Sun
As we said our last goodbye.
I did not wear black
She had always told me it was not my colour
‘So, don’t you dare’
I wore purple instead and flowers in my hair
She had loved my hair like that
I read the words she had written
Of forgiveness and gratitude
Of a life well-lived and well-loved
And I cried
I felt her near me, stroking my hair
How I had hated that as a child
But now I did not
Someone helped me back to my seat
And we sang Amazing Grace
My children carried the box
Adorned with daisies
And they held their heads high
For all to see their pain
As they drove her away
I wanted to stomp my feet
And shout ‘don’t leave me’
And I think I did

As a Child

As a child
Did I not stare out the window
Wondering why the sky is blue
And was I not a constant flow of ‘why?’
As I questioned the very air I breathed
Or the scent of summer
Did I not want to know
Why it was not daytime at night
And what suspended the fingernail moon
Or how the ocean, distant at one moment
Managed to silently creep closer
And as I grew
Did I ever discover
Exactly why the sky is blue
Or did I just
Stop wondering?

Life is Divine

Life is Divine
Like chocolate when you're moody
Like the sun when you've seen too much rain
Like a cool breeze in the desert heat
Like a warm fire in the heart of winter

Life is Divine
Like the last kiss as he leaves for work
Like playing in puddles when you're 5
Like the first time you smelled fresh hay
Like meeting someone you've never met, yet met

Life is Divine
Like music that rocks your very soul
Like falling into deep, deep love
Like being held as you cry big, fat tears
Like your first car, only shinier

Life is Divine
Like a movie that moves your world
Like poetry that doesn't rhyme
Like floating in blue-green water
Like the sound of children's laughter

Life is Divine

Lost A Little

Sometimes I get lost a little

I fall off my path
And in finding my way back,
I wander down old, familar paths
Momentarily forgetting that they no longer serve me
That there was a time
I chose a new path

And fought my way thru unfamilar territory
Thru scrub and undergrowth
Thorns and bramble
To find sparking dew-drops
And flowers of gold
And that there was a reason
I chose to find new ground

I forget sometimes, and get a little lost

But the new paths I have made
Are more travelled now
And well sign-posted
So it is easy to find my way back
And there is no fight
Only relief
For I know where the sparkling dew-drops
And flowers made of gold
Lay waiting

And I choose the path less travelled
Even if I get a little lost
From time to time